Co-sleeping our way to Tandem Feeding

Leji plays with her cup after drinking milk

Everyone talks about how happy they are when they breastfeed; I guess this is society's way of coping with the undue stress and pressure that comes with it. We have to encourage each other to trudge on so our children can enjoy the benefits.

Making room for our second child, we purchased a single bed from Mandaue Foam's anniversary sale last month instead of buying a standard crib or playpen for his nursery.  Our toddler is getting taller anyway and she's kicking for more space in the bed during the wee hours of the morning (she sleeps horizontally most of the time :p) We added a memory foam lining to make our current bed as high as the Flex Foam Mattress bed we chose.  We'll add a modern Moses basket on top as soon as the baby comes as a SIDS precaution as it seems better than a rocker that forces the baby in a semi upright position. We purchased a Swaddle Me By Your Side basket with see-through side panels and a firm neutral coloured sleeping surface.

Early on during my pregnancy, we tried to see if our toddler could be persuaded to sleep in her room in our new home. She selected the space herself (we asked her which room she liked best even before buying the property) and we decorated it with her favorite toys, furnished with easy access cabinets and a Mickey Mouse toddler bed.  We even had a music box to soothe her and nice night lamp. But it was all in vain.  She understood that there is a new baby coming.

During the daytime, it isn't a problem when I leave her there. But at night, it's a whole different story. We don't need a baby monitor to hear her cries of protest; she's a natural in voice projection. You could hear her cry for hours in all three floors of our house (God bless our new neighbors).  In less than a month, she learned how to tiptoe and unhinge the door.  She also climbs over fences and foams when necessary.

My mom suggested I should go for traditional forms of punishment (e.g. spanking, food/milk deprivation, etc.) to discipline my toddler.  However, I've attended positive parenting conferences and they encourage to treat children with utmost respect no matter how unruly they get so they can learn how to grow into better individuals thru their parents' example.  It is tiring and unnerving to control my temper when she seems to delight in copying PJ Mask stunts on TV at home when it's already her bedtime (especially now that I'm pregnant and emotional most of the time) but I'm blessed to have a supportive husband who allows me to stay home at this point in our lives and volunteers as my reliever when I really can't handle my emotions anymore.

She became clingier as my milk supply dwindled; I didn't expect that it would be this challenging to bring into this world her constant buddy/playmate. They detected a subchorionic hemorrhage in my uterus on my second month of pregnancy and I was instructed to be on full bed rest at home (no more shoots for a while!).  We really tried to make her stop latching; it was too painful for my uterus when she latches but heart wrenching when I hear her cry.  There was a time I couldn't carry her and my poor hubby had to stay up late just to console and cup feed her.

Now on my final leg of pregnancy, I'm allowed more freedom to play with her as the hematoma regressed. We decided to call her room "the playroom" instead of her bedroom and added several blue and yellow panels to her play yard to accommodate her new playmate.  I now make her abstain from afternoon latching to encourage longer sleep at night.  She also learned how to be friendlier when she talks to her baby brother in my tummy now that she is a "big girl."

I haven't been successful in weaning her off breastmilk completely though; she insists on latching even after I give her cups of fresh milk.  It seems harder to teach how to self soothe when you co-sleep.  Now I'm brushing up on tandem feeding and praying for a good milk supply when the new baby comes to accommodate them both.


It seems we don't have local material available for tandem feeding; even our doctors and our parents are wary about it.  They say the older child would get jealous more and the younger baby would suffer.

Contrary to traditional beliefs, books and articles on the subject claim it is safe and beneficial to the entire family. They say we should trust our bodies more so that it could provide what is necessary for both children.

"... there is no one 'best' approach to the challenges of breastfeeding during pregnancy and tandem nursing; each mother must follow her own inner voice as she balances her needs and her children's needs. Trust yourself." -- Hilary Flower in Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond, p. xix

I just go with what I feel is natural; with God's grace I hope I can successfully tandem feed.  If not, hopefully my toddler wouldn't feel so bad about having more fresh milk in her cup.